Today I spent a good 15 minutes crying in my car.
Wyatt and I had our first (and last) Speech Delay Support group meeting. We woke up early, got ready, and drove 35 minutes to the library where it was being held. It was a small group of about 5 children and their mothers. We walked into the room and met with the instructor – she seemed nice and the nervousness I had all morning was slowly beginning to melt.
The other moms arrived and brought their children in the room and everyone sat around a white mat with two plastic bins in the center. The bins were filled with some small toys. Wyatt was running around the room, looking out the windows, and stopping every few seconds to smile at the other kids. But the other children were sitting still in front of their parents. I tried to get Wyatt to sit with me on the floor and he immediately started to cry. He didn’t want to sit. He wanted to explore the room, he wanted to look out the windows and watch the flower petals float off the blooms of the trees.
While I was walking around the room with Wyatt – someone asked me if I was pregnant – then made sure to tell me that she spaced out her pregnancies a few years so she wouldn’t have to chase after a toddler. And when she said it – she used… “the tone”.
You know what I’m talking about. The “i’m-better-than-you” tone.
I didn’t really feel like diving into our fertility issues with this women. I didn’t feel like explaining that I had Endometriosis that was growing at an abnormal pace. That if we wanted to have another baby at all – it had to be now. Instead I just nodded my head and was silent.
The moms in the room just stared at me. Stared like I was the worst mother in the world. They looked at Wyatt – looked at him like he was crazy. I watched as they glanced at him, then at each other.
They were judging us.
One of the moms even said…
is he always like this?
I felt my heart sinking. This was a place where we were supposed to feel safe. Where we were supposed to be welcomed. Everyone in that room had a child with a speech delay – weren’t we supposed to be supportive of one another?
The instructor left the room for a moment and it became extremely quiet.
I could feel the heat of the eyes of those moms on me, on Wyatt.
I picked up my bag just as the instructor was coming back in. I told her that we were leaving. I walked over, grabbed Wyatt’s hand, and walked out of the room without giving those women the terrible stink eye that they had been giving us.
As the door closed behind me, I felt my face get warm and flushed. I tried to hold it in until we got to the car. But the elevator ride back down to the first floor with my sons hand in mine was too intense. I looked down at him and he was looking up at me, excited that we were walking together. By the time the elevator doors opened tears were streaming down my face. I kept my head down, put Wyatt on my hip and walked as fast as I could toward the front doors.
It took me 15 minutes to calm down before starting the drive home.
15 minutes of sobbing with my head on the steering wheel while calling my mother.
It made me realize just how hateful some people are. But at the same time, it made me really appreciate my family. I love my son. I don’t care if he likes to run and play – he’s nearly a 2 year old for crying out loud.
I am so sorry this has happened to you. My little guy is 2.5 right now and i get that a lot from people he is always on the move and an explorer he does not want to sit. I have had a few people tell me why don’t you make him sit. he does not do anything wrong just is always running around and i dont see that as a bad thing at all. He has never broke, got into or disterbed another person so i do not think it is any of their business. Our little boys would have had a blast together. Some people just want to make you feel bad so they feel better when we really should all be trying to make each other feel better.
Yup, I know exactly how you feel. We just have active little ones! And there isn’t anything wrong with that 🙂 Our boys would TOTALLY have a blast together!! 🙂
Aww love. Hugs for you!!!!!!
Hugs back! Thank you Ange! xo.
That’s so wrong of them! If he’s not hurting anyone or anything, there’s nothing wrong with encouraging natural curiosity. Why would you want to stifle that anyway??
Exactly. It’s just one of those times where I had to take a deep breath and walk away. People are who they are.
I have a 3 year old that also has speech delay, I feel your pain. But I gotta give it up to you, I would’ve let those women know exactly how I feel had I been in that situation and it would not have been pleasant! I never let people like that and their opinions affect how I feel about myself but sometimes I wish I could refrain myself from letting them know what I think of them.
I am one of those people who think about what they would have said AFTER the incident happens. I can never think quick enough to say exactly what I want. It keeps me out of a lot of trouble – 😉
Kendall, I am so sorry this happened to you. I also have a VERY active child. I have been there with those moms who think that because their child has a different temperament that it means they are somehow better parents. Disagree. It is brave and wonderful to make yourself and your child vulnerable to go to a support group. I am so sorry that the other mothers decided to act like high school mean girls instead of supportive adults. Please don’t let that stop you from reaching out for the help and support you and Wyatt need. xoxo
Yeah, each child is different! We are going to another group that’s more like a playgroup this week with other kids with delays. I’m hoping we can meet some friendly moms there. Xo.
Sorry to hear… Brought years to my eyes… I hope you are able to still find that group that can be accepting and NOT judging. Don’t let them get to you!!!! It’s not worth it.
Awe, me too. We’re going to keep trying! Thank you so much!
Ah sweet girl, this makes my heart hurt for you! First of all, these women are crazy to think that a 2 year old boy should just sit quietly. Our dr tells us that he’s worried about the kids who don’t have bumps & bruises {like my active child!} because kids are made to explore! Second of all, you rock to have your children close together! Whether it’s because of infertility or not, you are giving Wyatt a wonderful gift- a permanent playbuddy! Hugs to you! You are a great mother! I would say to brush it off, but I know that is so easier said than done… but know you have support 🙂
Right? They are made to explore their worlds! Thank you so much for your sweet words! Hugs to you too!
It’s mama’s like you that I want to run hug/talk to/help when I am in public. Any mom of an extremely active toddler (I have one) understands what it’s like and understands the judging you are talking about. When I was pregnant with my second (they are 22 months apart), I got a nasty comment from someone when I was carrying my toddler out of a store in a full blown tantrum. It stung. And really, the nasty comment didn’t help my kid’s behavior, it only hurt me. I don’t get why moms especially have to be so dang mean. Sorry this happened to you today.
I’m thinking maybe these moms didn’t know what it was like – or didn’t care. Moms should support and help each other. I’m like you – I would definitely have helped if I saw another mom going through what I was.
oh Kendall – I am SO SORRY. I would have lost it too – some women can make you feel SO SMALL. It’s their own insecurities coming out – they’re dealing with their own child’s speech delay, and for some cruel reason, it makes them feel better to put themselves “above” someone else for a minute. SO SORRY they were so awful – you’re a wonderful mother, and I’m soooo excited for you & your adorable little family!!!
Yes! And it’s so sad that I let them make me feel that way, but they did. Thank you so much, xo.
I am so sorry that you felt judged! I believe that babies are a real Blessing, no matter the timing. There is a plan. It is noone’s business but yours and your husband’s when the time is to have a child. What does anyone else care what you have choosen for your family? I also believe that it is all in God’s Perfect Timing. You are so lucky to be having another child and your babies will always have each other to play with, to love on-what a gift!
And because Wyatt was acting his age, is no reason for a tone or a look. I would have laughed and said something about what a joy he is. OF course, I wasn’t in that situation so it’s easy for me to say. Ha!
I hope that you have a better day.
And by the way, my brother in law didn’t speak until he was 3! He was tested and nothing was found and one day he opened his mouth and started to speak in complete sentences! Guess he just didn’t have anything to say before then.
I completely agree! It will be such a gift! I’ve heard a lot of stories about children not speaking until 3 or 4 – I’m hoping that Wyatt just doesn’t want to talk right now too! 🙂
*MASSIVE GIANT HUG* I strongly believe that kids should run and climb (and yes fall from time to time) It keeps their minds and their bodies going. Kids who just sit watching tv or playing video games worry me. My boyfriend’s son is super active, just watching him makes me tired! But he is so quick with his body and his mind. Many people (including family) insist he needs to be medicated to calm him down, that hes not normal. He may not be mine, but it has made me cry too.
We too are dealing with speech issues, he will be entering speech therapy soon and it is scary.
There will always be people judging you. It hurts it really really does. But just look into Wyatt’s eyes and see how happy he is and how much he loves you. Thats all that matters.
Thank you for sharing your troubles with us, it makes me feel not so alone and I hope everyone here sharing their love for you makes you feel better
*more hugs*
Massive hug back to you! Yes, it is really scary. But speech therapy is actually pretty cool! I’m learning so much! Once you go and see them working with your little guy you’ll be so happy you brought him! 🙂
Also, my sister didn’t talk until she was three. She was just too good at signing for what she wanted that =) Guess she just didn’t feel the need to talk to us. And shes 19 now…and won’t stop talking, guess shes making up for those few years she didn’t talk lol
Wyatt is starting to learn signs too! I’m sure he’ll be talking in no time!
Oh girl! I just want to give you a big hug. I don’t understand how other moms can be so judging. We are all in this together. And just know, none of those moms in that room have it all together. They are hiding something if they think they do. You are a great mom and it’s perfectly normal for a 2 year old to run around and explore new places. My daughter does it too. We don’t go to the library anymore because all the kids sit so nicely at story time and my daughter just wants to play and explore. Love the quote at the top of your post!
I’ll take it! Everyone has bad days – or “seasons” – and you’re right – we should definitely help out and not judge. I wish you were in that group!
Recently we were at a night of worship at our church. Stella loves to run up and down the aisles of the pews, but after several times of me having to tell her to stop she pushes to have her own way. A guy behind me said to me “she’s a punk!” I couldn’t help but say, “Thanks!” in a sarcastic tone. I wanted to scream “you are like 22 years old and have absolutely no clue what it’s like to parent a toddler!” so yes, I felt judged…but the nonverbal clues are almost harder than the verbal ones. I am so sorry you were made to feel this way! I just want to jump through the internet and give you a big hug!!
xo,
Eva @ Snappee Turtle
Yikes! I would have felt the same way! Parenting a toddler is ROUGH and I guess only moms know that! Hugs back to you Eva!
Big hugs to you Kendall – I’m so sorry you went through this. Both of my boys were active toddlers. They had 2 switches – Off & Full Speed Ahead at that age. They’re toddlers – exploring is how they learn about their world. I can’t believe one of the mothers had the gall to ask if “he was always like this”. Sheesh
I’m sorry the other mothers were cruel & so unsupportive. I don’t get how other mothers can be so catty & cruel with their responses to other mothers especially at a support group for working on an issue like delayed speech.
But like Saiwai said – look into Wyatt’s beautiful eyes & see how much he loves you. You are working hard to be the best momma you can be for him!
Much love & more hugs to you!
Hugs back to you! Wyatt has one speed – which is GO! He loves to run and play and there’s nothing wrong with that. Each child is different and these moms just didn’t accept Wyatt for who he was – which was wrong. They were the adults, you know? Thank you so much for your support! xo.
Oh my goodness, this STINKS. Who are others to judge you? Especially in that setting. I am so sorry this happened!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
Me too! But i’ve learned from it and we’re moving forward and looking forward to hopefully finding a good group for us! xo.
My son is JUST like this, anytime we go anywhere. I usually feel like the “bad mom” who can’t control her kid. Hugs! Unbelievable how those women treated you, that is so frustrating and awful. 🙁
I’m just glad to hear that there are so many other moms out there with active little ones! It feels good to know I’m not alone! Thank you!
Shame. On. Them. Just, shame. You did the right thing to leave. I can’t tell you how many times my son has been just the same!
Yeah, it was just best for us to go and leave that negative environment. Thank you so much for your comment 🙂
What Sarah said. I’m appalled at the insensitivity of people, especially other moms of young kids. Yes, I’ve felt judged and truth be told, it normally doesn’t bother me because I know the moms who judge have moments of chaos, blowout diapers to change, throw up to clean up, and have had their kids take boogers out of their nose and wipe them on something in public. Kinda like the same principle as “everybody poops.” 😉 You have a toddler BOY who is active – that’s a GOOD thing! Hugs, mama friend.
There are just not enough nice people in the world anymore. Being judged is the worst. You’re exactly right! HUGS! 🙂
This post absolutely resonated with me and brought tears to my eyes. Thank you for talking about this! I hope you don’t mind that I shared on both my personal and blog FB pages… The Median Mommy 🙂
Oh, no – not at all! I’m glad you liked it!! Thank you!! 🙂
This post had me crying, Kendall. Yes, I know how that judgement feels and NO it’s not okay. At all. I just wrote a post recently about all the judgement and negativity other mothers have for other mothers and their parenting techniques and it’s just wrong. It’s hurtful and so unnecessary. That’s why I love YOU though. I know that you would never judge me for my parenting choices and I want you to know that I’ll never judge you. You’re choosing to have a baby when Wyatt’s a toddler? So what! I’m even a little jealous because we can’t right now because I’m in school. It just wouldn’t be ideal. I’m proud of you though for leaving. There’s no reason to stay and put up with their BS. HUGS MAMA! I’ve got your back 🙂
Thank you so much! You are SUCH a sweetheart and I am so glad that we are friends! XO.