purple flower

Sometimes I look in the mirror and don’t even recognize the person staring back at me. We all have a mental image of what we think we look like – and most often – it’s not accurate. When I think of myself I think of the way I looked years ago, when I wasn’t overweight, when I felt good about myself. I guess this is just the version of myself that I like to remember.

I’m an emotional eater, and the past year has been really rough. I’ve comforted myself with food, way, way, too much food. The day I gave birth to Levi I weighed in at 250lbs. A few months later I weighed in at 215. For my height and body type I should be somewhere around 140lbs. I’m starting to have pain in my knees, I feel run-down, and I’m just now being shaken out of the comatose heavy state that I’ve been in for the past few years. It’s not me – it’s not who I am, and I don’t feel beautiful.

I feel that everyone has the right to feel beautiful. You know the feeling you get when you put on your favorite pair of jeans and just love the way you look? Or when you magically have a good hair day and get that huge jolt of confidence? I haven’t had one of those days in a very, very – long time.

I’ve got curves, I always have. But now I’ve come to the point of being obese – and it’s just not healthy. I want to be able to run around and chase my boys without being out of breath. I want to be able to dance and walk and run without my knees hurting.

I’ve went to extreme lengths (hysterectomy) to stop the severe pain I was experiencing from endometriosis, I gave up the ability to have more children so I could be a better mother to the ones I have. I want to be that mom for them. I want to be active with them. And it all starts with DOING it.

On Monday I’ll be starting the 30-Day Shred Jillian Michaels DVD.  I’ll be watching what I eat and watching how I deal with stress. Instead of treating myself to something sweet, I’ll take Wyatt and Levi to the park, or take the dog on a walk, or  just have a cold glass of water. I need to replace those bad food habits with good ones. And it’s going to be hard, REALLY hard.

I’m not going to say that I’ll never have a latte from Starbucks, a brownie, or a milkshake ever again – because that’s not being realistic. I LOVE food! And I’m definitely not saying that I will get down to my wedding weight from 7 years ago (130lbs) because that’s not realistic either. I’m just saying that I am going to strive to be healthy again. I am going to be more active with my kids, get outside more, focus on my health and how I can feel better on a daily basis.

Sometimes putting things down in words can help you be more accountable. This is what this post is for me. Accountability. Because I want to share the journey with you – like I do everything else 😉 And what’s even better is my hubby is going to go on this journey with me. We put so much time into planning out Wyatt’s gluten-free diet, into making Levi’s baby food at home with organic veggies (more on that soon), but we fill our bodies with junk. And that’s just not how we want to live. It’s not right for us to treat our bodies like this.

If you have any tips – nutrition tips, exercise, etc – if you have a similar story – please share in the comments below!

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