I’ve thought about writing this post for some time now – but I never wanted this to be a space where I complain about certain aspects of being a mother. Because I know how truly blessed I am to have had the ability to conceive and carry my little ones. But I do believe that being honest and truthful is important too. And I always want to share that honesty with you.
Being pregnant this time around has been extremely difficult. Not only has the road been bumpy – from hearing that Levi might not make it, to hearing that his cysts disappeared – but it’s also been extremely draining on me physically.
Just that one week alone. The week we thought we were going to lose him – was the worst week of my life. The worst days, the worst hours. I cried more than I ever have, and prayed more than I ever have. My marriage really was tested that week – and it passed. My husband was just so incredible, he lifted me up when I hit rock-bottom, wiped my face as I sobbed into his shoulder, and told me that everything would be alright even when he had tears in his own eyes. And to our surprise, a miracle happened – Levi’s large cysts had vanished and God showed my family and I just how amazing and powerful he is. And for that I will be forever grateful.
During this pregnancy I have been dehydrated, tested for pre-eclampsia (I had it with Wyatt so there’s a 40% chance I’ll get it again), had terrible ligament pain, have had difficulty moving/walking/sleeping, started having contractions, and have been put on pain killers just to keep me comfortable for the final weeks to come. I know everyone says each pregnancy is different – but MAN O MAN is this different.
The past few days have been hard – not only because Wyatt, William, and I have all been sick – but because I’ve been experiencing really severe pain between my legs and under my stomach. So severe that it’s difficult to walk and move around. I am in a lot of pain – but at the same time I have to remind myself to stop and be so thankful that I am carrying this precious little one in my belly. I have to remind myself that this is the last time I will be pregnant – the last time I will be able to rub my hands across my stomach and feel precious feet kick against me. And doing that makes things a bit easier.
Because I am so incredibly blessed. I am 33 weeks along with a healthy baby boy. And in a few short weeks I will be cradling my son, who will no doubt steal my heart.
I have tears in my eyes from this post, because I feel your pain. Having gone through pregnancy losses and then a very difficult pregnancy, I can relate. Our last pregnancy (before this one) was extremely difficult, with constant pain and pre-term labor. There was also the nervous tension of wondering if we were going to lose that baby too. But, God was so good, and I gave birth to a healthy baby boy. What got us through the losses and the difficult pregnancy was God alone. We had to give our anxiety over to Him and remain saturated with the promises of His Word. We also needed to make sure we were staying open with each other, as a couple. The moment we stopped leaning on each other and on God, we could have lost one another. I’m so thankful for God’s faithfulness! It is because of Him that I am still married to my best friend, and He is still the same God yesterday, today, and forever!
I am so happy that things worked out in your last pregnancy – the fear of losing a baby is just the worst and I wouldn’t wish it upon anyone. We are both so lucky that we didn’t lose our baby boys. I am so thankful that Levi is still baking. Thank you for your lovely comment! ๐
I am in the middle of one right now. 35 weeks. Although, reading your post I now feel like a huge complainer for nothing! I didn’t have nearly the scares you have had, but I am physically miserable and having extremely painful Braxton Hicks every day. This, combined with having a toddler, I can’t sleep. And I am a full-time student and full-time worker. So tired. So in pain. And SO wanting her to come ASAP.
Whoooo, I feel your pain momma! The physical pain is enough to make anyone want to give birth – I can’t imagine what this next month of pregnancy will be like. But just think – we will both be holding our babies SO SOON! ๐
SOOOO excited.
I have never been pregnant, but I can only imagine all you are going through. I don’t see this as “complaining” I see it as being brave and sharing the downs that come with the many ups of being pregnant. You have my respect and support for being so open about your journey. And you are such a great mama! Can’t wait until you can hold both your boys.
This is my third time around about as far as you and I am having that same severe pain…I did not have it with the other boys, and am sometimes amazed how I will actually have to prep myself mentally for something as “simple” as rolling over in bed. Thinking of you these last weeks…you are almost there!
You and your family are in my prayers!
xx
Kelly
Sparkles and Shoes
Oh hunny. I can’t agree more with you. This pregnancy has been something else! I feel the same way about negative vibes, but us Manas sometimes just need to vent & let it out. I have been so sick with Lilli! It’s hard to walk because she’s so heavy & low. I’ve been told since 30 weeks that she might come early & be prepared because she’s just a bigger baby. However, were 39 weeks TODAY! We’ve made it. She’ll be here by the 22nd!!! And, we’re very blessed. Daven was a BREEZE. I may have gained 70lbs, but the pregnancy was amazing. You’re right though…just trying to enjoy these last sweet days of pregnancy. What a blessing it’s been to feel her kick since 13 weeks, have the hickups
her “rolling” & just having her with me 24/7! But I’ve missed so much too. I miss Saturday mornings with my boys- I’m sick so I stay in the bed. I miss holding Daven. I can’t always walk him into preschool because she feels like she’s going to fall out. I miss being mommy to a three year old because I always need help these days. But we’re very blessed with these babies & I’ll forever be grateful!