“In the end, only three things matter: how much you loved, how gently you lived, and how gracefully you let go of things not meant for you.”- anon.
Lately I’ve been thinking a lot about relationships. The ones I have, the ones I’ve lost and the ones that are stuck somewhere in between in limbo. When I was in highschool I was a very outgoing person – I loved meeting people and I befriended almost everyone I ever spoke to. I had numerous friendships and relationships that were detrimental in getting me through those years. But, fast-forward to many years later and I’ve realized that many of those friendships I thought I couldn’t live without – have fizzled.
And it’s not anyone’s fault – that’s just how it goes. Some relationships are worth letting go. Sometimes you simply outgrow certain relationships. Or sometimes you begin to weigh the pros and cons. Because it should be just that – a measurement. Relationships that bring you more bad than good, are not worth having. Sometimes it’s a friendship and sometimes it’s a family member. It’s never easy to let go – but it might be what is best for you both. I’ve been struggling with this and until recently, it had been weighing me down for quite some time.
I’ve finally cut those strings and I feel like a huge weight has been lifted. I don’t feel guilty anymore because I know that I am doing what is best for myself and my family. If I have a relationship with someone who brings me down, what does that do for me as a mother? As a wife? Bad relationships have a chain-effect on my life and anything that takes away from the love I have for my husband or my sons just isn’t worth it. I’m finally able to feel good about the relationships that have come and gone in my life.
It’s also taught me to really appreciate those good relationships. Those people who have your back no matter what. I’ve had so many people come and go in my life, but the ones who stuck around – the ones who are still there – and the ones who I can call and speak to about anything are the ones that I am going to put my time into. I’m also working on forgiving myself, letting go of the guilt, and moving on.
Sometimes you bash heads and will just never have the relationship that you want with someone. It’s not about who is wrong and who is right, it’s about who you both are as individuals. People handle this rejection differently – some write their feelings on social media sites like Facebook and Twitter – some blog, and some call a friend. I’ve done all of these and I can assure you that calling a good friend is the best drama-free way to handle a situation. Because seeing someone write about you on facebook just fuels the fire. And even if you block someone your friends and family can still see what they are saying about you, and it hurts.
Cutting out a relationship doesn’t mean that you don’t care about them, or don’t love them – it just means that you can’t co-exist and have a healthy relationship with them. And that just has to be okay.
Have you ever had a relationship that just wasn’t working?
What did you do?
I needed to read this. More than you may ever know. Thank you <3
Thank you! I feel like I wrote this same post last year. And when I came to this realization, a HUGE weight was lifted. I’m glad you feel the same!
I was like this in high school too…I had a huge group of girlfriends and we were always doing movie nights, fro-yo dates, and so much more. Now that I’m in college, it’s hard to maintain those relationships since all of those girls went to different schools than I did.
I totally know how you feel! It’s so much healthier to just let them go and to move on!
What a tricky subject! Relationships are so paramount in a persons life and I believe, they are the reason we’re here. They are what will cause us pain but will also cause us the most joy. I feel the joy always drowns the pain. I definitely think you’re right that sometimes you just have to cut ties. Unfortunately, our lives are so intertwined that in most cases that is impossible to do. Burning bridges and isolation are never good roads to a guilt free, content life. I’ve found that always keeping a good dialogue open and trying to imagine yourself in another’s situation usually works best. As much as we, as humans, like to disagree- people do change all the time. The intense sensitivities felt by some are often completely lost on others. Compassion and a thick skin will always prevail and when they won’t, more wine! Love you- thoughtful post!
I think about this often too. Growing up is so weird. People say high school is such a hard and confusing time… ha! My priorities were the same as everyone’s! #1 was definitely being with friends, then there was studying, sports, getting a car… blah blah blah. I think it’s safe to say no one in their 20s has any idea what they’re doing. Some people are in college, some people wait tables and bartend, some people get married and start a family, some people start their own business, some people travel the world, some people sit around and smoke weed and eat all day. No one knows what the hell they’re doing or what they should be doing! Then at some point everyone’s priorities awkwardly start to differentiate, our time becomes scarce, and we all seem to lose energy. We have to really decide who and what it is that really deserves our attention, because most of us don’t live with our parents anymore, bills must be paid, and little ones depend on us. I’m glad I’m not the only one that struggles with whether to feel guilty or not about friendships that have fizzled away. I think it is truly a sign of growing up, and we shouldn’t have to feel guilty about growing up and becoming a responsible adult. Not that responsible adults can’t have friends. They can and should, but it’s about finding a balance between living your own life and keeping the relationships with the ones that you can’t live without.
It’s as if I could have written this very same thing. I’ve been dealing with this same problem for the entire duration of my marriage and it has been HARD on us as a couple. We’ve both tried to make amends with the other party and, unfortunately for them, they’ve stuck their heads in sand and refuse to meet us halfway. It’s been the hardest thing I’ve had to do in my life, and, while I’m not happy about having to cut them out, it’s the healthiest thing I could do for my mind, body and soul. I’m 30 years old and I need to start leading the happy life I’ve always wanted. Enough is enough.
Thanks for putting this out there so eloquently!
This is so very true! I have had to “cut off” several people in my life in order for me to move forward without drama or negative people. It was difficult at first but life goes on ๐