Today was a weird day for me.
My heart felt like it was somewhere else all day and something just didn’t feel right.
Yesterday I read this post by a dear friend of mine, Amanda.
And since reading that post – I haven’t been able to not think about her and her family.

I think about the little one that is growing inside my belly right now and I feel guilty.
Because I want her to have this joy so badly.
I remember when William and I were struggling with having Wyatt, and then again with #2.
I remember how scary, stressful, and hard it was.
I look at posts like this, and this, and this.

My heart hurts for the couples who have yet to hold a child of their very own.
It makes me angry to think about the fact that some might not ever get that feeling.
I trust in God, but sometimes I get upset with him.
Like right now.

I just don’t understand why these amazing individuals that I know – struggling with infertility – can’t  have a baby. I know there is a plan. I know that what is meant to happen will.

But sometimes I just really want things my way, and I guess that’s selfish.
But these things I want – these things deep down in my heart.
Are for others.