Life is a series of choices. Some big, some small. 

Some of the outcomes of those choices shake you to the core while others just rattle at your surface. I’ve experienced both.

I want to live a grateful life. I want to be the best mother to my kids, because it’s what they deserve. I want to be there for them, I want to hold them, and I want to always tell them I love them – even if I don’t hear it back. I know there will come a time when either Wyatt or Levi are mad at me. It happened just the other day when Wyatt and I had to leave the park. Wyatt was visually upset and was screaming at me. But, instead of getting mad at him. Instead of yelling at him. I tickled the crap out of him until his laughs outweighed his screams. And man, does he have the best laugh.

This was one of those moments for me. It was a choice I had to make. Do I want Wyatt to remember me yelling at him all the time – or do I want him to remember me loving him. I chose the latter. 

Because no matter what he does. I will always fiercely love him. Even if he makes a decision I think is wrong. Even if he says words that make me sad. Even if he tells me he hates me. It doesn’t matter. THAT is my son, and I AM his mother.

I remember people trying to explain the kind of love that comes along with being a mom. They told me “You’ve never experienced anything like it,” and “wait until you have a child of your own”. But I never got it. I never really got it until I had children.

I never pictured myself loving anyone as much as I loved my husband. But when I think about my kids and how much I love them – it consumes me. The love fills my heart until I feel like it’s going to burst. My mind thinks about every small detail that makes them unique, that makes them individuals, that makes them who they are.

Wyatt has an amazing spirit. He is so full of joy, and full of life. He loves running, laughing, and dancing. And he also loves snuggling. He shows affection more than any other child I’ve ever come across. Sometimes in the early morning, before anyone else is up and it’s just the two of us, we’ll crawl up onto the couch under the big soft blanket and just sit there together. I softly move his hair across his forehead and put my lips on his warm skin. I whisper to him and tell him that I love him, and I squeeze him extra tight. He nuzzles in and hugs me – and it feels like a dream. That is love. Right there. It’s simple, it’s special – it’s love.

Levi is similar in that he loves to be held, kissed, and snuggled. But one thing that differs is that Levi loves to talk! He is constantly babbling, even when it sounds like he’s yelling. He has this cheeky grin on him that could melt anyones heart – and he loves wrapping his little fingers around mine when I’m feeding him a bottle. He is always warm and always has this incredibly sweet scent to him, sort of like marshmallows that have been lightly toasted by the fire. His eyes are crystal blue, sparkling. They almost flash excitement when he sees his dad. The two of them have this special bond – and when you’re watching them together you feel like you’re kind of interrupting a special moment, sneaking glances.

This gift that I have. Being a mom, is truly a gift. I think of all who take it for granted – and I never want to be like that. I want my kids to know each day just how much they are loved. That no matter what happens, I am always there for them. They are my life, and they’re the best part about me.

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