Hope you’re having a great day so far! If you’re following me on Instagram you might already know that I’ve changed my hair! Why? I’m going to be completely honest with you – it’s because I’ve been caught in an Endometriosis funk and needed to shake things up. I needed to mark the evolution of the next step in my journey.
I wish I could properly explain how difficult each day is for me. How most days I’m in bed at 9:30 out of pure exhaustion. My body and my mind are so drained and in such need of rest – and there simply just haven’t been enough hours in the day. I’m trying to run this blog full time, trying to care for my kids, be a good wife, support my husband and his job, and find time to take care of myself. It’s too much for anyone, but for me especially, it’s way too much.
I woke up yesterday and I couldn’t get out of bed. And I’m not exaggerating, I literally couldn’t get out of bed. Every time I moved my body it felt like someone was ripping apart my insides. I imagined a spider web stretching and stretching and becoming thinner and thinner until finally snapping from the pulling.
I’ve always envisioned redheads as fierce, strong, and feisty. They kick back, they fight back, and they don’t give up. I needed to pull from their strength, I needed to borrow it, even just for a little while. And yesterday when I awoke in incredible pain I peeked at myself in the bedroom mirror and stared back at someone who looked weak, tired, and afraid. But I also saw that red fiery hair, almost having completely forgot that I’d had it done – and I felt inspired. I felt as though despite the pain, I was strong.
Endometriosis is a part of me, and it’s not going away. This is my life – and it’s full of a mixture of weakness and strength, and for the first time in my life – I’m okay with that. Because on those fierce days, on those days where I wake up feeling like I can take on the day – I’m going to light a fire all around me to light the way.
“Come a little closer, let it touch your face
Illuminate your purpose in this cold dark place
Let it spark an image deep inside your mind
One that’s been there the whole time
And if your heart is true
It knows what to do
Let a light that’s you
Shine on through, shine on through
And let the whole world see it too”
– Mason Jennings The Light (Part IV)