Giving birth to Wyatt was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I was in labor with Wyatt for 25 long, grueling, hours. And those hours seemed to take lifetimes to complete. My memory is a bit hazy because I believe the pain took over my whole entire being, so much so that I have no way of giving the time or order of things. I just remember pushing, and sweating, and moving around the room from the birthing stool to the hospital bed.

I remember passing out when a medication I was administered had a bad effect on my body. And I remember waking up to my husband hovering over me, terrified. But the most powerful moment of my life was when I saw Wyatt for the first time. He was pulled out and placed on my chest for a mere second, then rushed away.

I remember them taking him over to a table and patting on his back, and patting, and patting, until he cried. I couldnโ€™t see a thing, I could just hear the doctor and nurses shuffling around the room like they were doing a country line dance. I heard so many footsteps, and then the cry. The doctor came back and told my husband William and I that they were going to have to put Wyatt on a breathing machine- that he needed assistance because his lungs were underdeveloped. Because the little baby I held in my tummy for all of those months decided to come a full month early.

The doctor โ€œdoctoredโ€ me up and then told me I should take a shower. All I wanted to do was go see my son; I didnโ€™t give a damn about taking a shower. I got up from my bed (with assistance) and walked down the hall to the nursery. A nurse unlocked the door for my husband and I and we went in to see our baby. Our baby. He was lying there on his back with what looked like a shield over his face that was pumping in oxygen. The doctor said it would be okay if I held him, and he lifted the shield off of Wyattโ€™s face and handed me my baby.

{First time I held Wyatt}๏ปฟ
My arms and fingers struggled to find the right positioning before Wyatt even touched me, but when he did it all fell into place. Like I had been his mother for as long as I was alive โ€“ Iโ€™ve heard about these things coming naturally but Iโ€™d never actually believed it until that moment.

His skin was warm and flushed; he curled up against me and nestled into the crook of my arm.

It was the best moment of my life.
Better than anything Iโ€™d ever experienced,
better than any feeling of achievement Iโ€™ve ever had.
I now had a son.

linking up here: The Paper Mama,The Wiegand’s
Jenni from the Blog

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