Giving birth to Wyatt was one of the hardest things that I have ever done. I was in labor with Wyatt for 25 long, grueling, hours. And those hours seemed to take lifetimes to complete. My memory is a bit hazy because I believe the pain took over my whole entire being, so much so that I have no way of giving the time or order of things. I just remember pushing, and sweating, and moving around the room from the birthing stool to the hospital bed.

I remember passing out when a medication I was administered had a bad effect on my body. And I remember waking up to my husband hovering over me, terrified. But the most powerful moment of my life was when I saw Wyatt for the first time. He was pulled out and placed on my chest for a mere second, then rushed away.

I remember them taking him over to a table and patting on his back, and patting, and patting, until he cried. I couldn’t see a thing, I could just hear the doctor and nurses shuffling around the room like they were doing a country line dance. I heard so many footsteps, and then the cry. The doctor came back and told my husband William and I that they were going to have to put Wyatt on a breathing machine- that he needed assistance because his lungs were underdeveloped. Because the little baby I held in my tummy for all of those months decided to come a full month early.

The doctor “doctored” me up and then told me I should take a shower. All I wanted to do was go see my son; I didn’t give a damn about taking a shower. I got up from my bed (with assistance) and walked down the hall to the nursery. A nurse unlocked the door for my husband and I and we went in to see our baby. Our baby. He was lying there on his back with what looked like a shield over his face that was pumping in oxygen. The doctor said it would be okay if I held him, and he lifted the shield off of Wyatt’s face and handed me my baby.

{First time I held Wyatt}
My arms and fingers struggled to find the right positioning before Wyatt even touched me, but when he did it all fell into place. Like I had been his mother for as long as I was alive – I’ve heard about these things coming naturally but I’d never actually believed it until that moment.

His skin was warm and flushed; he curled up against me and nestled into the crook of my arm.

It was the best moment of my life.
Better than anything I’d ever experienced,
better than any feeling of achievement I’ve ever had.
I now had a son.

linking up here: The Paper Mama,The Wiegand’s
Jenni from the Blog

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