I’m sitting alone on my couch.
Surrounded by darkness.
The keyboard is lit by the illuminating screen above it.
And I guess I’m feeling a bit down.
I know when you are faced with a difficult situation –
You’re supposed to do your best to find the good in it –
Well I’ve been searching.
And I’m left empty-handed.
Yesterday I went to the OBGYN.
Because the pain from my endometriosis has been terrible –
and because William and I have been trying to conceive with no luck.
The thought now is that my endo. has caused scaring in or around my tubes –
and that’s why we’re not pregnant.
Today I had to go back in for an ultrasound – to see if there was anything visible.
And there wasn’t.
So, I guess I’m thankful for that.
But – there still is one more test they need to preform, it’s called an HSG.
This test can tell us if my tubes are blocked.
If they have outside scaring – my doctor can help us.
If the tubes have scaring on their interior – we will need to see a specialist.
Either way – I will probably need to have surgery again.
To remove the endometriosis that has re-grown,
or to have scar tissue removed.
I know that this is an incredibly personal post to write.
I know that others are in situations way worse than my own.
I found out after I had my last baby that i only had 1 fallopian tube and conceived 6 babies 1 being a set of twins, my OBGYN looked at me and said in the medical books something like this, states that maybe 1 birth, but 6. So all I could say was God you knew everything! So the same for you God knows the desire of your heart, and you will conceive when its time! I will be praying for you and the tests that you have coming up!
Thank you so much Pamela! And thank you for sharing your story – I had no idea you went through something like that. You are such a strong woman – especially in faith – and I am so lucky to have you in my life. xo.
You are such a strong woman. I have not personally experienced something like this, but I have some people in my family who have, and from their experiences I know you will be able to rise above this and baby number 2 will happen. Time is such a tricky thing, and sometimes the waiting is really difficult. We are trying right now too and haven’t had any luck yet, so I am in the waiting game with you girl. Thinking of you!
xx, Amanda
You’re right – the waiting is very difficult. And the guessing. My doctor is saying that if my tubes are clear – he wants to put us on some type of fertility medicine right away. My pain is just so intense – and we are only looking to have one more baby. (we’d love to have more – but the daily pain and pain killers are just too much for us). SO, we are hoping to have one more. And then adopt.
I had no idea you were trying! Sending lots of fertile thoughts your way! S is going to make such a great big sister! Keep me updated! xo.
My heart goes out to women who have trouble having babies, and my heart aches for your story. But I want to tell you that while some situations seem worse on paper than yours, the heart break is still heart break, and you NEVER need to apologize for how you feel. I have known so many women in my life who have had problems with child-bearing, (almost all the women in my family have to go to extremes to get pregnant) but the kind of strength that I see them and you have is inspirational. I have a constant fear that I will have the problems that my aunts and mother had, but their example of bravery is something I hope to keep with me.
No matter the situation, a baby is a baby, and we women are hard wired to want and ache for one when the time is right. But I know that you, just like many women around you, are so much stronger than you think. Don’t give up! Don’t forget to snuggle #1 to death! Don’t forget the power of positive thinking!
Thank you so much! You’re right – being negative definitely doesn’t help. Positive thinking does do wonders ๐ Thank you so much for being so supportive. That was really sweet of you, xo.
Kendall,
Hubby and I struggled with Infertility for a little over a year! I had an HSG done and it was semi painless- minimal cramping! Thankfully, there was no blockage and we are currently pregnant with our first child!
I’m praying for you! Continue to hug and love #1! #2 is right around the corner for you! I can feel it!!!!
Amanda, Thank you so much! I am so nervous about getting the HSG done. They said something about giving me a shot in my cervix to help with the pain? That just doesn’t seem pleasant! lol.
Thank you so much for your support – xo. And congrats on your little one!
I’ve had a trying time of late ttc for 1.5 years now. 10 months of IVF 3rd round told I was pregnant then ended in a ectopic where I was finally diagnosed with endometriosis one month after that surgery, I had surgery to remove my endo gave myself 2 months to recover then another round to be told again I’m pregnant but lost it one week later to miscarriage. Hoping for a miracle in November but thinking cos I’ve had my endometriosis removed I can try without ivf. Your post has given me hope.