There I sat on the toilet in my bathroom – starting at the counter top that held the pregnancy test.
My feet tapped against the cold linoleum floor as the three minutes slowly ticked by.
And let me tell you – three minutes can feel like eternity.
I thought about everything that test could mean, all of the wonderful change it would bring.
I thought about the months that we’d been trying.
Could this finally be the outcome we’ve been waiting for?
And then it happened.
The test blinked – “not pregnant“.
My heart sank and I began to sob.
It’s a completely overwhelming feeling.
Your heart can’t help but hurt.
A part of you wants to give up, throw in the towel and just quit trying.
Because all of these months are becoming just too taxing emotionally.
But another part of you deep down whispers “it’s all worth it“.
You would think that month after month it would get easier –
because you’ve got to be used to the rejection that little plastic stick can dish out by now.
But, it’s not.
Not at all easier – not even in the slightest.
I can’t imagine because I haven’t been in that position, but I just wanted to let you know that I’m here for you if you want to talk to somebody even though I’m just a stranger on the internet. *hugs*
Thank you so much Breenah, you are so sweet to me! xo.
It took me 6 years to get pregnant with my first son, so I know your pain. First of all. Don’t give up, but try not to think about it. Easier said than done, I know. Get to know your body, have your thyroid checked, learn signs and symptoms of ovulation. If you’re an obsessive tester like me, skip the digital test (they’re not as sensitive, and they’re expensive!) I buy wondfo tests off amazon. They’re about 30 cents per test, and they work! I will get faint lines about 3-4 days before my period is due, and save a bunch of money because I would test daily for a week, and once the lines showed more than once a day. It’s a long, hard, heart wrenching journey, but it will be worth it. Lots of hugs, and fertile thoughts going your way.
Amanda, thank you so much for sharing your story. It means so much that you would open up and discuss this with me. And thank you for the tip on tests – I will check those out! Thank you so much! xo.
great thing about wondfo tests were I never had an evap line like you can get on other tests. If I wasn’t pregnant, it was stark white in the test area. Other tests show evap lines that can get your hopes up and just be from the test drying.
I know how you feel. When we got pregnant with our daughter, it was very much unplanned and I was devastated because of our relationship condition. But we tried to work things out and then she was born. So when she was three, I wanted another baby. So I figured if she was conceived on accident, then it should be no problem at all trying for a baby and getting pregnant.
I was so wrong. Month after month I was so heart broken when the tests always said not pregnant. It sucked so bad. I didn’t understand how trying for a baby could be so hard. It took us three years later and I finally became pregnant again and we just had our baby last month. But for three long years of those tests telling you its not happening was so horrible and hard to cope with sometimes.
Rebecca, I understand completely. Reading the tests (and waiting for them to develop) is the worst. It feels like forever. I am so happy that your story had a happy ending. Congrats on your new bundle! ๐
ok so you are NOT alone. i have had three months worth of reading *not pregnant* too, and i sure know the sinking feeling. we just need to keep our chins up and get lots of hugs (among other things) from our hubs when we are down. just think of how wonderful it will be when it reads, PREGNANT, right!? at least, that is what keeps me motivated. ๐ ‘
hugs, mama
Ugh, it’s the worst! You’re right though – chin up! We’ve got great hub’s to keep us company and cheer us on. ๐ Thanks for the support friend!
I’ve been there many times. And for me it was only the beginning of worry each time the test FINALLY read positive. Thank God I have two miracles!! Keep your hopes up. It’ll happen in God’s time.
Thanks for your words of encouragement Aimee! ๐
i know the feeling. we aren’t exactly “trying” right now, but it’s hard to not get your hopes up when taking the “test”. stay strong!
You’re right – even if you’re not technically trying – reading the negative result isn’t easy. Baby Baker needs a baby brother/sister. Love to you friend! xo.
I know how you feel. I wouldn’t say we’re officially trying, but as of March we’ve stopped trying not to and agreed let whatever happens, happen. But nothing has happened, even though I secretly wish it would. I’ve taken a dozen tests since then thinking “oh my, maybe this is it” and… it’s not.
I’ve struggled with an irregular cycle my entire life (like, since I was in 4th grade…) so it’s not really a surprise to me. I have always had a strong feeling (since I was a kid, practically) that I might not be able to, or I’d at least struggle with getting pregnant.
Good luck to you + your family, I hope it happens for you soon <3
Oh, Aileen. I know – it’s crazy how our bodies (and minds) can play tricks on us. Every month I think I am pregnant. Thank you much for your well wishes and please keep me updated on your journey! Thank you for sharing ๐
I didn’t take a test this month since hubby is deployed, but I can definitely say I know how it feels. We’ve been trying for almost a decade but time is never on our side… or thats the story I’m sticking with. Don’t give up hope!!
I won’t Yen! You don’t either! I’m here for you! ๐
I’m so sorry. I wish I didn’t know, but I do.
I would love for you to share your story on the blog sometime. Let me know if you’d be interested, xo.
I lost my first baby at 2 months…then took 6 months to conceive again…seemed like it was forever and a whole lot longer than 6 months…good luck! have faith.
Thanks Annmarie, xo.
oh honey… no, negative tests never get better or easier!! i’ll be praying for you! let me know if you want to talk, anything! i never did post much of our infertility story because right after i told people we were having issues i got pregnant. but i still remember it and know we may have to deal with it again some day. email me if you need to chat!!!