This is probably the most difficult post I’ve ever had to write.
But I feel like if I don’t let this out – it will just continue to bottle up inside me.
So, please excuse me while I vent and pour my heart out over your computer screen.

Yesterday we went in for a routine anatomy ultrasound at the hospital. The ultrasound tech zoomed in so we could see our little ones toes, hands, and body. I laid there holding Williams hand and we both watched our little guy wiggle on the screen. After the ultrasound was done the tech told us to wait there and that she was going to grab the doctor.

A woman entered the room and said she was going to double check some things – and picked up the instrument and began scanning. She asked me if I had the chromosome screening and I told her no. She continued to scan and I blurted out..

Is there something wrong?
She looked over and told me that yes, they saw some abnormalities. Our baby had one clubbed foot and two large cysts in his brain. Which is a sign of Trisomy 18. She then explained our options for testing and said that if the baby was born with Trisomy 18 we would have the option to terminate the pregnancy. And because I was 21 weeks along – and legally this can only happen until 23 or 24 weeks – we needed to move fast.
I remember just crying on that table, squeezing Williams hand to pieces. I remember William crying. 
She took us into her office and pulled out a giant book with pictures and diagrams and information. She explained what Trisomy 18 was and what the outcome would be.
She said 50% of the babies with this are born stillborn. And if somehow he makes it through birth – his life expectancy would only be one year. She said he would be severely mentally disabled and  have no quality of life. Most babies only last a few days after birth.

After we spoke with her, we confirmed that we wanted to have the testing procedures done. And then when I got up to change into the gown a strange sense of calm swept over me. I kept thinking I can do this – it’s going to be okay.

I changed into the gown and went into the ultrasound room where they preformed an Amniocentesis. I couldn’t watch them do it – I just had my head turned and looked at William the whole time. I felt as the needle poked through my stomach and was pushed deeper to get to the amniotic fluid. It all seemed to happen fast – and we were out of the room in 10 minutes.
I put a band-aid on my stomach, got dressed, and we left.
We will know tomorrow if our baby has the disorder. She said there is a small chance that he doesn’t have this – and may have something else along with his clubbed foot. So that is what we are hoping for.
I would appreciate any prayers you can offer. I know how strong and comforting the power of prayer can be – and we need all of the love we can get.

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