I’m 27 years old – and scheduled to have a hysterectomy.

It’s weird to think that I won’t carry anymore children.
That I’ll never feel a kick inside of me again.
That I’ll never be able to show off a baby bump or say “we’re expecting!”

Next month I’ll be having a partial hysterectomy and my uterus as well as some scar tissue and Endometrosis will be removed. I’ve been struggling with Endometriosis for years now and have tried almost everything to be pain-free (medicines, surgery, etc). But it just never happened. I have had two previous surgeries to remove it – but it keeps coming back. It’s something I was diagnosed with before we had Wyatt (which made conceiving Wyatt & Levi extremely difficult).

Everyone always asks me what Endo pain feels like – and this is the best way I can describe it-
The pain feels like your worst period.
It feels like someone is squeezing your insides.
And sometimes it’s a sharp stabbing pain.

The pain came back again when Levi was 2 weeks old, and after talking with my doctor – we’ve decided that having a partial hysterectomy is the only way to keep me from being in pain. The surgery will help lessen the pain – but it won’t be gone entirely because of the location of where my Endometriosis has grown. The doctor will remove all that he can during surgery, and afterwards put me on a medicine to shut down my ovaries (that feed the endo). This will hopefully reduce my pain to a more reasonable amount and kill off any of the Endometriosis that he might have missed.

For the past few weeks I’ve been on pain killers to help manage the pain. And when it got up to 4 pills a day I knew I had to make the tough decision to schedule the surgery. I guess I always thought it would just clear up on it’s own – or one day I would magically wake up and feel great. But that never happened.

So the pregnancy I had with Levi will be the last that I will ever experience. And that’s okay – because he was a complete miracle. I have to keep reminding myself how lucky I am to have these two amazing boys. That some couples never have the ability to have children – and although we fought our own battle with infertility, we were able to overcome it.

My uterus and my ability to have more babies might be going out the window – but what I am left with is so much greater. An amazing family and a hopefully pain-free future.