You can read more about my journey with Endometriosis here.
Why I shouldn't have gotten a Hysterectomy for my Endometriosis

When you’re living a life in constant pain you’d give almost anything to make it stop. You’d try almost anything to make it stop. The dark cloud slowly and steadily takes over both your body and mind, and it creepily drags you into a very dark place.

I spent years fighting my Endometriosis, years trying different treatment options, therapies, medicines, stretches, everything. Nothing was working. The only time I wasn’t in pain was during both of my pregnancies. While I was growing my little loves inside, I felt nothing, and both pregnancies were the happiest times of my life. But in both cases, a month after delivery, the pain came back in like a ripping tidal wave, and it took me under.

I just couldn’t fight it anymore, I wanted the physical pain and emotional twisting of the brain to stop. I spoke with my doctor about moving forward with having a hysterectomy. At just 27 years of age, I had made a plan of action, a plan I thought was going to solve all of my problems. I had two little, gorgeous boys, a happy marriage, and a pain that just wouldn’t go away. I was willing to try everything to be both the mother and the wife I wanted to be.


In January of 2014 I had my Uterus removed. After 3 months, the pain returned.

In February of 2016 I had my Ovaries removed. After 3 months, the pain returned.


And now, I’m still in pain, and my insides feel hollow. My dreams of carrying and delivering another baby on my own are gone. My body was thrown into early menopause, and I’m left with more anxiety that I’ve ever had in my life. I feel uncomfortable in most social situations because I’m either nervous that my pain will ruin my time, I’m anxious because I can feel myself sweating like it’s over 100 degrees outside, or I’m afraid the first thing people will think when they look at me is “fat” because I can’t control my hormonal weight gain.

When it’s cold outside, I’m sweating. When I sleep, I’m sweating. These hot flashes are NO joke. I recent made a trip to New York for an event, and there were so many times I just wanted to go back to my hotel room and hide. Hide from people seeing me drenched in sweat, hide from the fear that someone would think I was gross. All of these newer side effects have only piled on top of what was there before.

But you know what? I can’t take it back, I can’t take back that decision my husband and I made years ago, I can only remember the extreme level of hope we had that we would finally come out on top.


This is who I am, this is me.

The sweat, the pain, this life is mine.


I can either spend the rest of it hiding with anxiety, or I can push through it. I’m choosing to push through. I change my outfit several times a day because of sweat, but you know what – it won’t always be this way, hopefully.

I choose NOT to let this illness beat me,

I choose NOT to let this illness hold me back from MY life.

But if I could go back, if there was some magical time machine that only exists in the furtherest, most magical corners of my mind, I would. I would tell myself that the neither of the surgeries would work to solve my problems. I would show my past self what I feel now, what I experience now, and what I have lost. And then I’d give myself a big bear hug, pull away with my arms extended, look me straight in the eyes and say…


“Seriously, Kendall. Don’t do this.”


You can read more about my journey with Endometriosis here.

Why I shouldn't have gotten a Hysterectomy for my Endometriosis