For me it’s like a deep, heavy, pulsating pain that sits like a rock in my lower abdomen. If I’m having an unusually painful day, (I like to call these the “perfect storm“) it spreads to my lower back and tailbone. Everything I do hurts, even if I’m being completely still. On these days my friend is my trusty heating pad, turned on high. If you know someone who takes multiple baths per day, they probably have Endometriosis.
Endometriosis has taken so many things from my life. I am one of the lucky ones who was able to have children. I have two incredible boys, Wyatt (4) and Levi (2), and couldn’t be more thankful. On days where my pain has me doubled over in pain, I remind myself how lucky I am again, and focus on that positive, radiating love, and not the war that’s being fought inside. Even if it’s just a moment, the cannons stop firing as I’m distracted by the cute faces staring up at me.
When it started it was a few days a month, around the time of my period. The older I’ve gotten, the more it has occurred.
Eventually, the bad days began to outweigh the good days.
I’ve had several surgeries to remove it. Then the plan was to remove my uterus, and within months the pain was back. So we decided to go back in and remove my ovaries and tubes. When you have these removed at a young age, it means you’ll be thrown into early menopause, your hormones will be off balance, you’ll have to be placed on a regimen of supplemental hormones, and studies show this will shed years off your life. But for me, and for others – it’s worth it to have the chance of living a pain-free life, or a life with at least less pain.
But now, at just 4 months since my last surgery, the pain is back – in FULL force.
When I see pregnancy announcements, or anything related to pregnancy in general – my heart sinks. I would have loved to have more children with my husband, but, again – I am so insanely lucky to have had children at all.
One of the hardest things to explain to people is the need to just be still. The need for heat, hot baths, and sleep, I feel exhausted all of the time, no matter how much sleep I get. But, that’s all part of it – because this illness is exhausting, both emotionally and physically.
There is no cure for endometriosis, none. And every case is different. For the most part, people are generally understanding – until you get the jackasses who try and tell you the pain is in your head, or that it can’t be as bad as you’re making it out to be. There will be people who have had “friends that had it“, there are people who will claim to have had it themselves – who now are fine.
Things you need to know about Endometriosis:
- Not every case is the same. Some people have it and have very little pain. Others suffer daily.
- It’s a chronic illness. There is no cure, all of the surgeries, medications, and therapies are just attempts to lessen the pain.
I was nervous to write more about this on the blog, because I really want to keep this as a positive place. But even through all of this I can find positivity. So, let’s end it on a good note.
I don’t know what my future looks like, but I know it’s filled with love. I know that I have a family that supports me, and is there to catch me each time I fall. I know that no matter what, I’m thankful to have the life that I do, to really appreciate the good days, good moments, and everything in between. I’m thankful I can work from home to support my family, and on the bad days it doesn’t matter if I’m in bed with my sweats and heating pad, as long as I have my computer. I’ve heard stories from countless people who are unable to work because they cannot leave the house, so for me – this is something that I can appreciate every day.
If you’re suffering from Endo, know you’re not alone. There are so many women out there, walking the same path you are – and there is support. If you’re looking for support, or need someone to reach out to on a hard day, you can find me here: [email protected]